Cornertime Confidential had an interesting discussion on Tumblr with a boy whose blog @babyfarmboy is really really good. He and 2 other Tumblr blogger friends of ours have joined together with Cornertime Confidential to begin an online rapport to discuss ideas, share our successes, and otherwise enjoy boy bonding.
You’ve probably seen our blogs on Tumblr:
- A Kinky Grad
- Alexander Gets Spanked
- Baby Farm Boy
- Jake Teneby (we cover slightly different topics there)
baby j is the littlest one in the group but has the longest running, long term relationship. He is in a similar situation to me: his “Daddy” (for lack of a better word) is really his boyfriend first and turning him into a Man Who Spanks is a hard, complicated transition: from boyfriend to “Daddy” for lack of a better word.
baby j framed it this way:
“My partner, from early in our relationship, when there was more big/little interaction reacted negatively to the “Daddy” nomenclature. I think that in some people’s mind—and mine to some extent—there is creepy stigma to the “Daddy” title. Perhaps less so in the DD (Domestic Discipline) or age-play circles.
“As someone who identifies very strongly as AB (adult baby), the ‘A’ is just as important to me as the ‘B.’ When I look at some blogs, you rarely, in my opinion see the adult side.
“Similarly, I am not certain that I am interested in a DD relationship as the primary expression of the relationship. I want to drop the f-bomb when I want to, and when play time comes then a Spanking and mouthsoaping would be welcomed. But my goal is not to have my language changed.”
It’s not a simple logical leap at all, and baby j here is having troubles we’d like to share with you this weekend.This post is more about non-Spanking men and their lack of knowledge about the process of effective Spanking and other Corporal Punishment. This challenge can be met a few different ways.
Let’s start by taking this a little out of context for advice for boys on how to help your boyfriends train themselves to be more effective. My boyfriend (now Daddy) didn’t really want to begin Spanking, and he DEFINITELY didn’t want me calling him “Daddy.” He wanted to play with my bottom and then get sexual fairly quickly. But I had to explain discipline was the purpose, not sexual pleasure per se. So he began with really severe militaristic discipline including stress positions and other things more in line with S&M and not really Daddy/boy or Domestic Discipline Spanking.
When we finally moved on beyond that by discussing after each failed effort, we began with emails (rather than talking face-to-face) that explained that there is a slower, more procedural Spanking approach that could help us.
|To Get To Crying, You Must Build Up To It|
This is probably where the “Spanking Ritual” got started:
- First a boy is Spanked on his jeans, then after a fanny warming,
- The naughty boy’s jeans are taken down by Daddy, and then the seat of his pants (underpants/shorts) are fired up.
- Then and only then is he Spanked soundly, bare bottomed, until finished or until the boy cries.
Here’s why this works well:
Ultimately, a boy needs time to work up. If you begin full throttle with a pounding on the bottom, there isn’t time to build up resistance, there’s no mental time to get into your headspace, and Daddy becomes basically just a brute. That’s both no fun and not effective. The lack of build up makes it difficult to grapple with the purpose of punishment.
If punishment is purely for the Top, then there is no Daddy. Daddys are engaged with their boys and they are interested in seeing, feeling, and hearing the effect on the boys they Spank. Tops don’t have to be. So instead, encourage your vanilla boyfriend, your Daddy-in-training to explore the sensations, rather than the singular experience for himself.
“Encourage your vanilla boyfriend—your Daddy-in-training to explore the sensations—rather than the singular experience for himself.”
He can probably easily do this because you’ve already been boyfriends first. Because of that boyfriend acclimatization experience, he already understands the give-and-take of sexual relations. So, if he understands that, he’ll better understand that the Spanking ritual can help the two of you progress, build up, and then power down, so there is a momentum to the experience for him as well.
Hopefully, these ideas here gives you a sense of why incorporating a build-up to a powerful bare-bottomed Spanking is both necessary and preferred. In a nutshell, it’s so boys both behave and better develop healthy relationships with their Daddys.
Caveat: Remember what I always say: just ‘cuz it works for me, doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. If building up doesn’t work for you guys, then try a different approach.
- A Time Out.
- Being sent to your room.
And then after the wait, Daddy can charge in and administer a more high-velocity Disciplinary Spanking. At least there is a sense of “moment” and “build.” Like an orgasm, without that, this is just hitting, and it’s not what you’re seeking from your partner. You are seeking a comprehensive physical experience and hopefully a mental one too. Think through the options that will work for you as a couple.