Turning Bad Experiences Into Learning Experiences

The Cornertime Crew’s Tips for a “Good Spanking!”

 
In The Corner Again

There is nothing worse than a BAD disciplinarian. Nothing.

So after talking for a week with a disciplinarian via STH, we agreed to meet for a maintenance Spanking. He wasn’t very good at the disciplinarian part I was learning (he admitted he was somewhat inexperienced but had some with his college buddy) but it had been a while since I’d been Spanked and I needed the release (and he’s the first credible Spanker in the area in a while and hope springs eternal). I hoped he was at least a better Spanker than an online-disciplinarian
I was wrong. He knocked me out of headspace early on by never really taking control, regurgitating a conversation we twice had in our chat (including this morning), and he was very into rubbing early on which is great if you want a sensual Spanking but just took me out of head space further (and I was clear that is not what I wanted).
When he finally started actually hand Spanking he didn’t do any warmup (which is important to a Spanking of any length); he was just pounding to a point it felt like he was trying to bruise. He also kept hitting my hip (I’m presuming bad aim…I’ll be charitable). And because he is both pounding and skipped the warm up, when he tried to use the hairbrush the same way I had to use the slow down/pause word. I didn’t even make it to the corner…I just told him this was not working for me, I was long out of headspace, and it was best we part ways.
I’ve been on both sides of a Spanking. I may be infrequent but I’m not inexperienced. That was without a doubt my worst experience (and I have had bad ones before) over someone’s lap.
But bad experiences can be learning experiences. So my takeaways for “good” Spanking:

For disciplinarians/Spanker:

• Be authoritative. This means taking control and having a general idea of your plan of action. You definitely need to ask your boy what he’s looking for, how he likes things to go, and what his experiences are. But that needs to be done in advance, not the last conversation before meeting or when you actually meet. You’re in charge—act like it!
• Don’t skip the warm up! If you’re planning a full discipline session, you need to make sure you start slow with firm but lighter Spanks. If you start off as hard as you can, there’s no where to build to. And worse, your boy will be without that part of the Spanking that makes it easier/possible to last and that’ll make it hard to keep his headspace.
• Pink and red, not black and blue. I’ve said this pithy phrase many times but it’s always worth repeating. A warm red bottom leaves a chastised boy with a reminder to behave and with a wonderful emotional release. If you’re bruising your boy’s bottom , intentionally or otherwise, you are doing it wrong.
• Read your boy. You are not a Spanking machine. Use your eyes and ears. If he’s falling off your lap and you just started with a hairbrush, recalibrate how hard your smacking or go back to using your hand for a bit.

For boy/spankees:

• Trust your instincts. On several occasions, i thought about cancelling. Sometimes like it felt like we were talking past each other. Sometimes he didn’t really to seem to know what he wanted. And sometimes he just annoyed me. Basically, there were warning signs that we weren’t clicking and this might not work. But given the problem of Spanker scarcity, I kept pushing forward and giving the benefit of the doubt. I should have trusted my instincts.

• Be clear. There should be opportunities for you to lay out your perspective on how this will play out. Be precise about what your needs and expectations are. This is the best way to avoid problems when you’re over his lap. If we had talked in more detail about intensity and implements or Spanking philosophy, maybe it would have gone better.
• Communicate OTK. Let the Spanker know what you are feeling. Kick and writhe, make noise. A good Spanker will adjust if you start bucking like a bronco and he’s just started.
• It’s Okay to Stop. You are more than a boy or sub. You’re a human being with the right to choose and control your body. You may surrender that control in a session, but it is your right to stop that session. You are not weak to use safe words. If something is going wrong, say something. And if necessary, stop the session and end it.
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I’m sure there are things I could have done better. I know there are things he could have done better. And I can already tell from his mistakes what things I can do to improve next time I’m a Spanker.
No one is perfect. I know I’ve made mistakes as a Spanker, and I certainly don’t think this guy was malicious; he’s just not yet good at this role
Hopefully, this bad experience and this resulting post will help others have better experiences, including myself!

If you fall off the lap, you just gotta dust yourself off, and get back over the knee!

 

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