Chosen Family for Daddys and boys

The Cornertime Crew was talking about “Chosen Family” a while ago. We were knocking around the importance of this for each of us in our own way. But each of us had very different lived experiences.

Here’s how ‘zander explained his Chosen Family:

Chosen Family for Daddys and boy

by ‘zander

You’ve got to be really careful because there is no “one size fits all” approach to almost anything in the world, but that is especially true for the world of Spanking/discipline/ageplay. and it’s super even more true for what “family” means. different people have different definitions of what/who is “family,” and in the spanking world, I have my own ideas, too. here some of them are.
first, a thing to know is my little side is 100% nonsexual; he just doesn’t present that way.
at all. 
i know that is not true of everyone, and i respect that—i judge no one or nothing as long as it involves two consenting adults, it’s fine. but for me, being a little boy is just that—being a little boy, and i guess i respect that’s how it works for me.
i have a primary sexual/romantic relationship that began as disciplinary, but it has now changed. that relationship is the most important one to me. that is one family, and i am committed to him and to our life together. we share everything together, except my little side. it’s just not a part of who we are anymore, and that’s OK. still, in the hierarchy of family life, he is the most important to me. this amazing guy “adopted” me at a very low point in my life and “raised” me. for a few years, we lived the life of 100% non-sexual Daddy and boy. it was difficult, but it made me a better boy and man. After a while, that relationship changed—as all relationships do. And my adult side started to need the romance/sexual world that I had not really had a chance to explore ever. As the relationship changed, it became clear to me that I could no longer be a “boy” with my partner when sexual activity was involved. It was too difficult to compartmentalize, and it was causing us some problems. we became 100% and solely partners—it was the right decision for us.
we both knew that the little part of me would not go away, though, and needed to be nurtured, so we had frank and open conversations about what those needs meant. he gave me permission to meet the needs of my little side as long as i followed two rules:
  • i was open about what i was doing and when i was doing it and
  • no sexual stuff of any kind. both rules are easy for me to follow.
i now have a variety of guys that i would call my family, too. they are obviously not as important as my partner, but they are, nonetheless, family. i am close to them in just about every way, but we do not live together. sometimes i don’t get to see them for months, but when we do meet, we pick up with whatever our relationship is, whether it’s boy/daddy, uncle/nephew, big brother/little brother, or good friends.
like i said, i know this isn’t for everyone, but this has been an evolution over a decade for me and my partner, and it’s the way we are healthy. i don’t feel it’s cheating for me to see someone in my chosen family any more than it would be cheating for someone to visit their bio family for a holiday. the only difference is that i am treated like a little boy when i am with my chosen family
Spankings/baths/punishments are in no way sexual for me. 
i actually hate Spankings and all punishments, but i know i need them. 
honestly, when i see my chosen family these days, we are mostly planning fun events like seeing shows, going to the zoo, or playing. at this point, Spankings are about the least important thing of us being together. and we exist on a 100% non-sexual terrain. i have never been in the same room with anyone in my chosen family when they didn’t have every piece of their clothes on, for example. and when i am naked or in undies, it is in the way that a chronological boy is—before a bath, when he’s playing, getting dressed, or fixing to get his bottom spanked, etc.
now, i have a beautiful partner (and a kickass doggy) as well as multiple family members–daddy, uncles, and brothers; it’s like having a family for my little side because my partner can’t be that for me. and it’s ok. i am happier and healthier than i have ever been in my life, and i feel like i’m richer for all these experiences. i had a rough go on my way to where i am, and i had a few years where i didn’t think i’d make it. i know that i’m a lucky kiddo.
sorry this was so long—again, this is MY story and MY experience and doesn’t fit everyone’s lifestyle or code, but it’s worked tremendously well for me. i honestly don’t know if a boy and his Daddy can live full time together the way i envision it. it’s just so complicated, and when you add in romance and sexuality (if that’s part of your scene), it gets even more complex. when something isn’t working you gotta invent the way forward. and that’s where i am.
Ageplay is such a huge umbrella. I know boys who run the gamut from non-sexual to hyper-sexual. Even 
without an overtly sexual component, Spanking and consensual Daddy stuff involves trust and intimacy that requires a level of safety and love. 
That’s tricky to find and nurture and can be threatening — especially if you don’t talk through it. 
I’ve found keeping those lines of communication open are the most important part of making this work. And the bottom line is: my partner is the most important integer in this equation. If he told me I couldn’t be little or play like this because it made him unhappy or unhealthy, I’d have to stop. But then I don’t think he’d do that because my health and happiness are important to him, too.

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